You Weren’t Poisoned

Good news and bad news.

Good news: you have a working liver and kidneys, so whatever untoward things you ingested over the holidays will be taken care of by your body’s natural excretory processes.  So, you weren’t poisoned and you don’t need to detoxify yourself.  You may need to cleanse yourself, however–that is best accomplished with a 99 cent bar of Dial, or Lava if you work with your hands because Lava really gets into the crevices.

Bad news: you ate and drank some calorically dense stuff, so maybe you have put on a few pounds of water weight as your body deals with the intruders.  But even the bad news here carries good tidings in its wake: once you return to your mostly-healthy, nutrient-dense diet of December 12th, 2016, your body will shed its excess.  This usually takes three, four days.  Maybe five if you were on Santa’s naughty list, I guess.

So now that we’ve straightened that out and you can shop for regular food with a clear conscience…what are you going to do when you’re back to where you started from?

Lifting weights and moving fast in a sensible fashion is one option.  I happen to know this place…

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